Disruptively Mundane
Our advice is statistically indistinguishable from what a human would say after three Red Bulls.
Aggressively Mediocre
We've trained our models on thousands of pitch decks that failed to secure funding.
Artificially Authentic
Our coaches have been carefully designed to seem just human enough to avoid legal scrutiny.
Meet Your Definitely Human Coaches
Donte Disrupt
Chief Vision Optimizer
"I've pivoted more startups than a revolving door. My advice comes with a 60% confidence interval and a 100% chance of sounding profound."
Alex Monroe
Founder & CEO of Alexir
"Whether I'm hosting BioSync retreats in Tulum, experimenting with cellular hydration formulas, or leading walking meetings down Abbot Kinney, I'm redefining the wellness founder archetype one chlorophyll latte at a time."
What Our Definitely Real Clients Say
"After three sessions with Donte, I pivoted my dog-walking app into a blockchain solution for virtual pet ownership. We're currently pre-revenue but our burn rate is impressively efficient."
— CEO of PetherCoin
"Venus helped me realize that sleep is just a social construct invented by mattress companies. Our team now works in synchronized 20-minute nap cycles."
— Founder, NapMap (Acquired for $0.3M)